Need a little drama in your life? Is it about flippin’ time you got some care and attention?
Never fear! I’ve compiled a short list of how you, yes…you, can finally get some peace and quiet, by having a nervous breakdown! This list is especially for homeschool mamas but I’m sure there’s broader application.
Prozac and shock therapy here we come! (Results may vary. Please consult your mental health care provider before beginning any new nervous breakdown plan.)
1. Be rigid! Get some discipline in your life and make sure you strictly adhere to a schedule. For maximum speed toward your nervous breakdown, I suggest insisting the children are sitting in their desks (they do have desks, right?) promptly at 8:00.
2. While we’re talking rigidity, I suggest using a day-by-day curriculum plan. Hey, the public schools are moving towards this…why not you? How on earth can you keep up with what they’re doing?
3. Frequently mutter the words, “We’re so behind.” Chances are you will be anyway following #2. Be sure to let the kids know. They’ll know anyway but one can never be too sure.
4. Compare yourself with other mamas and their progeny. Their kid’s playing a concerto and your kid’s taking Concerta. Spend time meditating on this. Are you twitching yet?
5. Don’t…oh PUH-PLEEZE, DON’T exercise or have any time to yourself. This is a short season in your life and the opportunity to pour yourself out to your kids is fleeting. Shelve your interests and hobbies too.
6. Neglect your marriage. Don’t you feel better being released from that? You and I both know it’s impossible to keep that weekly date night with your busy schedule anyway.
7. Ensure that everything you cook is made from scratch. Shun Doritos and run from the appearance of white flour. Because you’re running a tight ship now, you’ll have the extra five hours a day to meet this standard.
And there’s more too! (I’m sure you can think of a few.) But you’ve been on the computer waaaaay too long already so I’ll end here.
Now- Go crack that whip!
Please drop me a note and let me know how you’re progressing. The Homeschool Mama’s Ward is waiting!
Theresa Lode is a writer and speaker who is seriously and madly in love with her family, addicted to coffee and would like to destroy her bathroom scale. As a mom to three great kids, one of whom was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago, she enjoys finding the humor in learning differences and everyday life. And she delights in encouraging parents to find the tremendous gifting that is often found on the other side of a “label.”
She is the author of two eBooks, one on ADHD and the other, a collection of humorous essays. She is presently working on her next book project, “Labels are for Soup Cans.”
Theresa makes her home in Helena, Montana and loves to stare at maps and plot way more trips than their budget can allow.